my life in verses


“If we listen to the bad behavior, we have a chance to meet / encounter our fears, our disappointments, our prejudices, and the things we haven’t thought through before.”  — Jane Deeth

It hurts to see you laying there in a cold and sterile space

Helpless in being able to reach you  

For even in close proximity, I always felt you far away  

You’d get angry and unreasonable

For reasons I could never understand

And rather than try to reconcile my ideal world with reality

It was easier to stonewall you from my thoughts  

To face the departure of a loved one I fail to understand

Whose dark and foreboding moods I refused to enter

Coz it defied the happy endings of my Disney scripted world

I try not to look at the familiar family photos

Projected on the funeral chapel wall

For reasons I cannot explain

They produce dissonance to happy feelings

Like facial features inside a Picasso frame

Their random order, or something

Are interruptions to the memories

I seek to knit together but in futility can’t…

The verses below describe the elation I feel when I’m skate dancing. The title “Elan” is Celtic and signifies shining or brightness. Listen to the music as you read the poem.

Elan

a melody takes me by the hand
weaving in and out together
like the wistful dance
of a hummingbird
untouched by fetters or cares
to a whirlwind world
of sacred dreams and wonders
where fears and torpidity
are left behind.

— vincenzo

let not this day
pass like any other
uncelebrated
unnoticed
obscured
doing what no human can do
scatter
doubt
and
cold
opening flood gates
of love and generosity
and speaking with tender voice
meaningful
birthday
wishes

be my messenger
opening the heart
to treasured memories
past and present
of love received
and sending warmth
into recesses
where sunshine cannot reach
console oh heavenly Father
the weeping prophet
who is my friend
so even wornout tunes
become renewed again

~ vincenzo ©

i began life emotionally bankrupt
though i didn’t know it at the time
some debilitating grip
as if once bitten
the serpent disappeared
nameless insecurities and doubts
slithering fears
they loomed large
and out of proportion
it seemed unfair
to wage war with the invisible
to be a victim
of my own emotions
it took time to understand
grace over repression
to see my re-parented child
unfolding, interacting and playing
yet I still have days
when my wounded self
overrides my hard-earned sobriety
© vincenzo

my therapist once asked me
if i had mourned my losses
and i felt perplexed at her question
i asked in return…
‘how could i mourn the loss
of what i never experienced?’

she went on to explain
‘there is another kind of loss
like the loss of a love
you always longed for
but never got to experience’

~ vincenzo

as i drove to work each day
my eyes would fix themselves
upon a young man with a facial deformity
— mainly around the mouth
he seemed to be making a funny face
a fixed expression like a bulldog
he used dark sunglasses to deflect attention
but it was noticeable anyway
those dark shades seemed to emanate power
to dim the light of my day
as if i struggled with his affliction

~ vincenzo

skating and hockey
played center stage
in my childhood
i lived and breathed them
like freezing air
i only felt slight tinges
in my extremities…
until I got home
and began to thaw
then the pain intensified
enough to make me wonder
if five to six hours
out in a frozen park
may not have been
a little bit too much?

~ vincenzo

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