I found my first years of blogging frustrating. It took me years before I detected why. So long as my words fell under the banner of “authentic”, I never noticed how much poison they unleashed. ~ vincenzo ©

Advertisements

Motivation withers when it is externally focused.
~ vincenzo ©

Whoever seeks to change anyone but himself, only adds to the misery he wishes to eliminate. ~ vincenzo ©

I like the sound of the term “cognitive dissonance”. I feel sophisticated and deep when I say it. It is also something I am recently experiencing.

Part of my training as a volunteer counselor at church requires attending Bible studies. However, Bible study is hardly a good name. It is more often a monologue in which one dominant member expresses his or her opinions while everyone else sits passively silent. How many secretly tune out is another question.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying the Bible is irrelevant. However, some Bible teachers seem to run on automatic pilot. They have a gift of presenting life superficially — low on soul searching or imagination. What I find equally disquieting is how anyone could be taking notes or nodding their heads in such a bleak context. Are they just pretending? Am I just crazy?

As usual, I am conflicted. I am forever questioning myself about issues that seem cut and dry to others. I tend to second guess myself whether I’m just being too hard while at the same time dreading the thought of another meeting.

I am also imagining what kind of dialogue I will have with the coordinator if or when I announce my resignation to her …rehearsing in my head line after line what we will be saying to each other.

Is faith about upholding the status quo? What does humility look like in such situations?

~ vincenzo ©

i began life emotionally bankrupt
though i didn’t know it at the time
some debilitating grip
as if once bitten
the serpent disappeared
nameless insecurities and doubts
slithering fears
they loomed large
and out of proportion
it seemed unfair
to wage war with the invisible
to be a victim
of my own emotions
it took time to understand
grace over repression
to see my re-parented child
unfolding, interacting and playing
yet I still have days
when my wounded self
overrides my hard-earned sobriety
© vincenzo

sometimes
i grope around for words
like a short order cook
that serves meals on demand
i bypass
my internal processor
too much in a hurry to process
half-formed shades of meaning
~ vincenzo

silent-brooding