Motivation withers when it is externally focused.
~ vincenzo ©

“…her words were always like ready-made clothes, and never fitted individual thoughts. Anybody might have used them, and with a change of proper names, they might have served to describe any subject.” – Elizabeth Gaskell

The quote above may seem a small annoyance to some, but it portrays one of my greatest sources of distress. The beauty of an imaginative soul is the power to visualize vitality even when reality is insipid and cold. I shun doing anything in a run-of-the-mill way. It is not only what I express, but how I express it that matters. Whenever I give expression to something, I am compelled to give it full flight.

Creativity is a kind of viewfinder you carry with you wherever you go. Your artistic leanings cannot help but shape your outlook. Although muted, art has its own language, principles and codes. Therefore, if someone clothes an idea or belief in conventional/prosaic language, it may collide with your heightened sensitivity. It causes you to resist certain phraseologies and truisms that create cognitive dissonance not only to your readers or viewers, but inside yourself as well. Therefore for the artist, there are not only differences of content to consider, but expressions /styles as well. This diversity requires heavy doses of humility and self-examination.

~ vincenzo ©

We rely upon mirrors to see ourselves. Without them we cannot even see our face. Neither do we see our inner selves without a nurturing mirror.

I stumbled onto some old notes from a post that is no longer available so I don’t even know the author. I also don’t know how these notes got neglected as they mirror my personal struggles so minutely. The subject is about people that battle with a “fixing” addiction, so if you can relate to it please read on.
— —

Before I share the notes below I want to say I have a history to being overly responsible in my interactions. This hyper-vigilant sense of duty is the product of years of social conditioning. I call it the nice-guy default mode. Others instinctively sense this drive to feel needed and take advantage of it.

Important notes worth considering:

1. Individuals that develop this form of codependency run the risk of becoming caretakers with no one to give them healthy emotional support. They tend to get stuck into a “fixer” role permanently, never being able to enjoy healthy give-and-receive relationships with anyone.

2. Since they are the ones that do all the work in a relationship, once they stop the work, the relationship usually dies.

3. The saddest part is that they so successfully divert their attention, they rarely affect changes upon themselves and thus become emotionally stunted in their personal growth. This decreases their self-esteem as they forever lose themselves.

If anyone can identify the title and author of these thoughts please let me know so I can give him or her credit.

~ vincenzo ©

“Life is not a matter of changing our temperament, but learning to manage the one we have.” ~ vincenzo ©

i began life emotionally bankrupt
though i didn’t know it at the time
some debilitating grip
as if once bitten
the serpent disappeared
nameless insecurities and doubts
slithering fears
they loomed large
and out of proportion
it seemed unfair
to wage war with the invisible
to be a victim
of my own emotions
it took time to understand
grace over repression
to see my re-parented child
unfolding, interacting and playing
yet I still have days
when my wounded self
overrides my hard-earned sobriety
© vincenzo

Insecure love – that choppy, messed-up way of caring – operates from extreme to extreme in families: tossing us about from royal treatment to out-of-control behaviour. It is like looking through whale eyes. You cannot see what is in front of you, but only from lateral sides – each view completely different from the other. On one side all is peace and love; on the other wretched hail storms of emotion. And so the pendulum swings from one side to the other … blindsided or harpooned.

I entered teaching where conflict intervention was mandatory. The ups and downs produced sea-sickening panic attacks. I always excelled as a student, but this new kind of test exacerbated my nerves. I either flew under the radar or risked losing control. I didn’t seem to have any middle ground.

Don’t ask me how I learned more redemptive responses. I haven’t reached that far in my contemplations.

~ vincenzo

Although the Adventures of Superman were purely fictional, they taught me momentous truths while growing up. From the imaginary perspective of my inner child, it resembled the alternating drama of daily life where battles were won and others dismally lost – the dappled contrast between the commonplace versus the extraordinary.

I consciously lived under the reproach of those around me. I lived below my potential. I conformed to someone else’s concept of life. Some refer to this as the “social mirror”.

“Why can’t you keep things in order?”
“Why can’t you confront people like a man?”
“I can’t believe you won.”
“It’s so simple. Why can’t you understand?”
“Boy, you eat like a horse.”
“Why are you so serious?”

This down side of life was part of the magic. It made it easy to relate to the pathetic Clark Kent (portrayed by actor George Reeves). His heavy dark rimmed glasses gave him a nerdy air. Being thus self-conscious, unassuming and socially awkward – even the alluring elfine Lois Lane had ignored him.

It was consoling to imagine that from the ruins of this sorrowful introverted personage, emanated a superman – who at any moment, could transform himself into an invincible hero endowed with divine attributes. Was this a foretaste of what heaven has always promised; an existence free from tears, pain, earthly limitations and death?

I don’t know what the script writers of Superman may have intended to convey as far as moral lessons other than the ones I have sketched out, but here are some maxims I’ve noted down as foot notes to this contemplation:

“All humanity is a mixed package of unique strengths and personal defects.”

“Superman is a reality to common people with imaginative hearts.”

“People who only value outward appearances miss out on the best part of life.”

Feel free, dear reader to add any others that may come to mind.

~ vincenzo