I found my first years of blogging frustrating. It took me years before I detected why. So long as my words fell under the banner of “authentic”, I never noticed how much poison they unleashed. ~ vincenzo ©

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When you believe you are undeserving you open yourself to unsuitable company who hoodwink you through false assurances.
~ vincenzo ©

Although it is hard, seek to look at each dark episode with as far-sighted a perspective as possible. What seems desolation in the moment, isn’t indicative of the whole story. ~ vincenzo ©

I like the sound of the term “cognitive dissonance”. I feel sophisticated and deep when I say it. It is also something I am recently experiencing.

Part of my training as a volunteer counselor at church requires attending Bible studies. However, Bible study is hardly a good name. It is more often a monologue in which one dominant member expresses his or her opinions while everyone else sits passively silent. How many secretly tune out is another question.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying the Bible is irrelevant. However, some Bible teachers seem to run on automatic pilot. They have a gift of presenting life superficially — low on soul searching or imagination. What I find equally disquieting is how anyone could be taking notes or nodding their heads in such a bleak context. Are they just pretending? Am I just crazy?

As usual, I am conflicted. I am forever questioning myself about issues that seem cut and dry to others. I tend to second guess myself whether I’m just being too hard while at the same time dreading the thought of another meeting.

I am also imagining what kind of dialogue I will have with the coordinator if or when I announce my resignation to her …rehearsing in my head line after line what we will be saying to each other.

Is faith about upholding the status quo? What does humility look like in such situations?

~ vincenzo ©

I once learned one of the profoundest truth from a burly weather-beaten, muscle-bound motorcycle instructor. He taught me to never depend upon the rearview mirrors of a vehicle when changing lanes, since mirrors offer only a limited view of a much larger reality. This lesson sunk deep after my first car accident and in more ways than one.

Sometimes I look to others as an ideal model, only to discover they have their faults and drop the ball once in a while. I find the closer they come to my ideal, the harsher become my expectations. I forget they (like myself) are only rearview mirrors — they too are only limited representations or reflections of a greater light. Yeah, I forget the part about grace…

~ vincenzo
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“The best argument for Christianity is Christians; their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity, is also Christians – when they are somber and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths.” ~ Eugene Peterson

I understand what it is like to want to be strong in love and yet be unable to do so.

my background schooled me
to believe in couple hood
as the supreme reason
for being
to remotely consider
a life of singleness
implied a character defect
it was as if all meaning
funneled through
this supposed ‘significant other’
and yet ironically as a child
i rarely saw any couples
content with each other

~ vincenzo