when you show yourself vulnerable

and your friend pulls away

your deepest feelings fly into a tailspin

it hurts when someone treats you special

then at once their affection, it fades away

coz soul friends, they don’t come around every day

when you don’t know what to do

you can play the victim

or you can stop doing what doesn’t work

let your friend go where they need to be

stop chasing her and with time

learn to embrace your inner strength

make your life a resting place

feel the carathis of your pain

when true friends understand they are free

they will find their way back to you

and if they do not, do yourself a favor

just learn to let it be

~ vincenzo ©

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When you face the tears and ongoing agony of codependence, you value every insight that comes your way. You hang on to each word of wisdom as it speaks to you. Not just any words will do. You can identify which ones, by the intense need to return to them as steady reminders.

What follows are treasured excerpts from John Bradshaw’s book, “Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child”.

~ vincenzo ©

“Some of us may have difficulty trusting ourselves to meet our needs and therefore think we need someone else to meet them.

We have difficulty trusting others so we feel we have to be in control all the time.

We fail to detect body signals such as not being aware how tired we are.

We may feel we don’t belong anywhere or to anyone.

In social situations we may be invisible so no one notices us, yet not even be aware why we do this.

We may attempt to make ourselves indispensable to others to make sure they will not leave us.

We may have a great need to be touched or hugged that could make us vulnerable to bonding too soon, too deep with someone we don’t even know and who could even be harmful to us.

We may have an obsessive need to be valued and may have difficulty establishing boundaries for fear that others may not like those boundaries.

We may isolate ourselves out of fear that people might end up rejecting us or we might end up rejecting them.

Some of us are gullible and don’t see other people’s hidden agenda or else we see the hidden agenda but go along with it all the same.”

Sometimes it feels as if I’m in love, but I have enough discernment to know the difference. I know when my imagination is running away on me.

This person seeks me out whenever she is down and out. She opens up like a little child. She discloses frustrations with endearing expressions as her big eyes redden with tears. These sporadic confessions create the illusion of closeness. However, when all is well she returns to her love-avoidant self.

She is sometimes careless and lets her mask slip with touchy, out-of control anger and a creepy ability to redefine reality.

Having a compassionate heart means trying to sort out contradictions. Not only hers but my own. It looks all clear down on paper, but reality is often obscure and confusing. Nevertheless, I want my subtext to this person to read:

“I hope it will become increasingly clear I’m not looking for love or romance, just someone to connect with once in awhile.”

~ vincenzo ©